All men are liars

You think you've found the one... he's everything you've dreamed of. You meet his parents, he meets yours. You talk about God together, he says he thinks he could even maybe marry you if things kept going the way they were.

Then it blows up in your face.
When it blows up you don't know what to say. You get angry- your mouth stays shut and tears fall. You keep your mouth shut 'cause if you say what's really on your mind you know he'd crumble, he'd cry, he'd cry like you're gonna cry tonight as you try to sleep- as he passes out across town without a care in the world. He got what he wanted.

All men are liars. Or at least the majority of them are. I'd rather be with a sinner that admits he's a sinner than a man who says he obeys God and then turns around and acts like every other wretch out there... oh and then leaves you to cry yourself to sleep. Piece of work.

I don't wanna be friends. I don't wanna talk to him. I want to forget this ever happened. I wanna be numb. I wanna scream at the heavens and ask God why He would put such a fucked up person in my life. How on earth did this better me? What was it all for? Yeah we talked and he says he cares. Words are just words. Actions speak louder.

He says he's different than all those other guys. How? Show me how. Stop SAYING you're sorry. Stop SAYING you follow God. SHOW ME.

Sigh. Why can't I say this to his face? Why can't I look him in the eye and tell him he should feel guilty. That he did use me. That he acted like every other *insert bad word of your choice here* that i've ever been with. I know he didn't mean it to be that way but that is what he did. Whatever his intentions were, that's what his actions were. I am angry, and so, so disappointed. Not just in him, but in myself for believing if I slept with him he'd stay with me. For letting myself go back to that instead of trusting God. I did it my way instead of His. God, may my life show how sorry I am for that. This is not gonna be easy, I've been doing things my way for so long... sigh. Pray for me, I am so weak and this just totally makes me feel defeated.