Saturday night, finally told him i couldn't talk to him at all anymore (we'll see how long that lasts). After he left I went to get my laundry out of the car and there was a helium balloon that I'd forgotten about, i was just gonna let it float away so i threw it out of the car. *ThUnK* Hmm. It's floating but not going anywhere. Brought the laundry inside and grabbed some scissors... The tiniest little clip was keeping the balloon here on the ground. *snip, snip* Away it went! It didn't shoot off like a rocket, it didn't go in a perfect line, it flitted, floated, danced through the night sky until it disappeared into the stars. I don't know if it popped, or what happened, but I know that if balloons could feel, that balloon felt FREE.
you see, i want to go with Jason to Texas, and marry him, but God asked me to let him go. Went to church yesterday and the pastor was preaching out of Nehemiah 9. He kept coming back to how there is ONE God, that the Lord is God alone. Nothing else in my heart should take precedence over God- not even a man of God. Afterward I decided it couldn't hurt to go and pray with someone, since they had people available. One of the men prayed that God would be a Husband to me and a Father to Dominic and that HE would fill that void. Then he introduced me to his wife and she invited me to a women's prayer group thursday nights. I'm really excited. Tfab is an awesome church.
Sadly- no matter how much i KNOW all of the above- I want Jason so badly, everything seemed to fit. Yes, we messed up, but, who hasn't? I'm not condoning it, I'm just asking for prayer. I don't understand why God would bring a man who loves Jesus and me and Dominic so much, a man whose family loves me; a man who my family loves and a man with whom I just click...why would God bring a man like that, just to take him away?
Honestly, I don't even wanna pick up my phone or go to school or anything. i wanna sit in my pj's and cry and feel sorry for myself. Need to return the small group leader's call, the doctors call, oh blah. Skipped school today because Dominic kept waking up last night SCREAMING bloody murder! I could not figure out what it was. This morning I figured it out and felt like a terrible mama. He'd had a poopy diaper, I hadn't smelled it or checked or anything.
I wiped his bottom and was like, "What's the white stuff???" then he started SCREAMING again- it was his skin. His little bottom was bleeding and it was all my fault. He had huge tears running down his face. I lathered up his poor little botom with A&D ointment. Poor bubba. He isn't eating much, and keeps having the runs. That's the reason I didn't go to school. My poor Domino... pray he feels better soon.
Ok, thanks everyone for reading, love you all!!
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