someone just called me to tell me they were mad at me- sad part is they had every right to be. oh and i have no money and i feel like a failure after one of my friends posted on my fb that i shouldn't have been so weak and given into sexual desire. thank you captain obvious! one of my friends the other day also mentioned how i can't commit to a relationship and again in my head i was like, "thank you captain obvious!" i know my shortcomings, reminding me of them in a mean nasty, condescending way does not help, just makes me feel like shit.
i just suck all around. so, in short, i'm just gonna hide. gonna run away and hide from all of it cuz i feel so, so, shitty. i fuck everything up. sorry for the bad language but well, i'm on a roll might as well roll with it!
i hate when i do things that just, are wrong. i hurt people i make bad choices, i dunno what to tell everyone. please just leave me alone. if you have something negative to say, say it to someone who has thicker skin.
i'm not saying anyone is wrong for saying what they're saying, just, gimme a week or two ok? i kinda feel like i can't redeem myself in any which way right now. you telling me how i've failed here and there and everywhere just makes me wanna run away and become a stripper and make some REAL money. (that was a joke, please laugh)
Thankfully I do have a couple friends, REAL FRIENDS, who know how to tell me when i'm messing up without completely tearing me to shreds. Chels, Joanna, Katelyn, I LOVE YOU. Thanks for loving me even when i am so, yeah you get the idea.
i'm only human, a fucked up one at that. so if you've noticed how weak, stupid, selfish and just plain WRONG i have been lately- congratulations, the rest of the population noticed as well. here's your gold star for being better than me, now please, leave me alone.
There are a few people who have a right to be angry with me, to yell at me, scold me, or simply say, "Hey, i'm mad at you and this is the reason why." Leave it to THOSE people, i don't need any extras. Thanks. *big angry mean face* Hahaha... but seriously only gonna post on here for school, taking a break from fb too... posting this blog on there to say farewell for awhile. ttyl
Just changed my settings so even if you don't have a blog you can post a comment. Under comment as select "Name/URL and put your name, you don't have to put a URL anymore. IE- comment like crazy!!! Loev all of you :)
ReplyDeleteMary my friend, :) ...wash the pillow ;) ...stop thinking about what other people think of you. You know who loves you most, and you know those of us are that love you even though we mess up also. You know the answers :) ...stop living for other people, and live for yourself. You know I don't mean live selfishly... I mean live for yourself before God, like you want to in your heart. Love you Mary, Pete
ReplyDeleteLol..thanks pete, it's a pretty dirty pillow case anyways! It's not gonna be easy but I wanna start living for God, and I can't do it for anyone but myself. :) I'm happier when I'm single, and i feel freer. :) Thanks for the comment!! Love and miss you and yours.
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