Giving praise where praise is due

Today I was listening to Air1 and I heard what Brant said on the radio: "Be Reckless with Your Money" and i REFUSE to keep my mouth shut- God is so good to those who put their whole trust in Him. You all know that I'm a single mom going to school full time to become a nurse. My car broke three weeks ago (flat tire) and then I found out it needed parts (ball joints and rack bushings). My boyfriend Jesse graciously paid for the parts and repairs. once those were put in I got another flat tire which led to needing tires. ($125) and I still needed to get the darn thing aligned. (another $60)
At this point i was literally, not figuratively, SCREAMING at God to help because I was so completely broke. I had no idea where to get the $125, and even if I had it how to get the tires. I had been angry at Him and hadn't prayed in months and as a testimony to HIS GREATNESS and HIS MERCY and HIS LOVE He gave me the "Panic Attack Poem" that I posted a few days ago.
It just so happened that I had stowed away just enough Christmas money to buy the tires and still pay for getting the tires mounted and balanced (another $35) and getting the car aligned. Sadly my car was on a spare, not aligned and the tires were in Redmond.
I asked a friend to bring me to the store so I could buy pull ups, when I filled her in on all the details she volunteered to and did in fact drive to Redmond and picked up the tires for me. What a blessing! But it didn't stop there...
That Wednesday before Thanksgiving, with a teary smile, I brought my car to the one place who could get it aligned before Thursday. The guys aligning it and "found" a broken coil spring and asked for a $500 repair. I was upset but honestly, I didn't care too much, I knew that God had heard me and I trusted Him. The next day I was given $200 by someone who was told by God to give me that amount. The following day (Black Friday, the most thankless day of the year) the place agreed to repair my car FOR FREE so long as I paid for the $30 part.

The tires, alignment and parts all equaled $250. That same day one of my friends told me she wanted to give me $100 for Christmas presents for my 2 year old son. Oh and another friend of mine had given me a good amount of $$ in gas cards... all in all to say that:

GOD TAKES CARE OF HIS CHILDREN.

So, when I went to church for the first time in months and God laid an amount on my heart to give, I gave it. When I saw a "single mom of 2 year old" on the side of the street asking for money, I gave to her what God laid on my heart to give, out of what He had given me. After all, can we claim what we have in our possession as OURS? Who enabled us to breathe? Who allowed our hearts and lungs and body to function properly so that we could go to work and earn money?
I did the math and God laid on my heart to give away just $10 shy of what I had "gained", so, I actually ended up with $10 more than what I had started with even after giving back to Him... go figure, huh?

If God has put it on your heart to give then GIVE and GIVE LIBERALLY!!!! Trust Him, He hears His children when they cry and if He doesn't use you to give then I guarantee that He will find someone else to fill that need because He is a good God. 

Choose to be blessed by obeying your Father in heaven as He leads you to give. I have to say that it isn't reckless to give liberally, it is reckless to rely on your flesh and to trust in material possessions that will eventually rot away and perish. It is 100% Responsible to trust the One who owns "the cattle upon a thousand hills". (Psalm 50:10)

"And call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me." Psalm 50:15

Panic Attack Poem

Something many of you may not know is that I have been diagnosed several times by medical professionals as having PTSD, anxiety and depression. I have struggled immensely with these diagnoses and have been immensely ashamed, guilt ridden and trapped by fear. I began seeking help when I found myself having panic attacks multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times in a day. Trauma causes what is called complex PTSD which causes panic attacks, disassociation and avoidance. Disassociation means that I will black things out of my memory permanently so that I do not have to be traumatized over and over again, however, constantly blocking memories and not processing painful experiences often leads to panic attacks. I have been working to face some of my memories little by little, and in the midst of this was at war with myself and God- today I finally screamed for help during a panic attack and help came from many, many avenues. When driving home tonight I felt another panic attack set on, I began to pray and immediately felt the presence of the Lord wash over me. My close friends know how angry I've been with God, how hurt I've been by Christians not understanding my diagnoses, and how hesitant I've been to humble myself before God. I am not perfect and I am a work in progress- but on the way home from my cancelled swim class, this song came to me. I hope you all are encouraged, challenged and motivated to be open and bare before your Maker by what He gave me to write:

Panic Attack Poem

I feel the pressure wrap around my heart,

Rip through my life and tear me apart,

I feel the devils feet stand on my chest,

His fingers shred through my brain so I can't rest-

Condemned to live with anxiety and depression,

Sent me spinning into regression,

So angry I let my pride

Take me on a downhill ride

Told myself I was strong,

They had it all wrong.

Til my world came crashing down,

Falling all around,

Til I was screaming for help,

Screaming, felt like no one could hear me.

I was screaming, screaming...

Every memory that's been lost in the blackest void,

Torn away and destroyed,

Every thought I can't remember, You hold each in Your hand

You were there when it happened and You, YOU understand.

I know I've been wrong,

I know I'm not that strong,

I was furiously writhing against the One who formed me in my mother's womb,

The one who will gather my soul from my ashen tomb,

Kicking and cursing away the One who bled out naked and tortured on a tree,
The One who went to hell and ransomed me,

HE heard me screaming, 

woke me when I knew I was dreaming

but could not bring myself to wake,

You are the thunder in my bones

You are the ominous earthquake

That settles me down and fills me with peace,

Making the devil's panic cease.

I feel the pressure clench around my heart,

Shred through my life and pull me apart,

I feel the devils feet crushing my chest,

His fingers claw through my brain so I CANNOT rest-

Who do I turn to? I turn to You.

Humbled by my own humanity- frailty-

failures- unfathomable fallibility

Hallelujah You heard my cry!

Hallelujah I didn't die,

For the Lord God Almighty,

My Sweet, Omnipotent Jesus, King on High,

Had mercy on me and HE heard my cry.

Though the devil spreads his claws

and lifts his feet above my chest,

My God does not sleep,

My God does not rest.

He is my protector,

HE is my shelter.

 

Hallelujah I am brought up from out the belly of hell!

Hallelujah! Of His love and peace I must tell.