It is finished

I really, really, REALLY wanna complain about life and how lonely i get sometimes and hard it is to wait on God and how I don't even wanna go to church anymore cuz it seems like drama follows me- which is probably my own damn fault. *sigh* like my past, it feels like everywhere i go my past is there staring me in the face. I know I need to grab it by the horns stare it back in the face and say, "You are in the past, you cannot change me, you cannot control me, God has washed you away, BE GONE!" Instead it goes more like this:
Past stares me in the face, bitch slaps me,  spits me in the eye and says, "Just when you think you're satisfied, I will be there, haunting you. My affects are always going linger, no matter what you do I'll be here. I will be here to remind you of all the evil, horrible things you've done." I try to shut his mouth, to scream out that my sins are at the bottom of the ocean but i can't seem to stop him, "All the things I'm saying, they're not ideas or concepts, they're facts. These things happened. Things that you willingly, GLEEFULLY threw yourself into- body, mind and soul..."
About this time my hands drop from grabbing his horns... down to my side. My head is bowed and Past begins to throw things at me. Memories that I have tried to black out- things I've begged for forgiveness for- even though I know I'm forgiven...
I feel the stones of shame smacking my face, my skin splitting, blood starting to drip from fresh wounds that i thought were healed, tears fall. The stones aren't little pebbles now, they are getting bigger. Past is showing his true colors, this demon haunting me, thrusting boulders at me, breaking bones, trying to kill me... beaten by my own sin, I whisper one word, "Jesus..."

I hear a  sharp sound, a terrible, frightening screeching.
I look up with my bloodied face, laying on the ground weeping over my sin- to see Jesus, standing, guarding me. Past is the one screeching in terror at the presence of the Alpha and Omega.
I hear Him speak to Past, "Be gone. She is MINE. You have no right to accuse her, she is covered by My blood." The fire in His eyes burns fiercly as I hear the curtling voice of Past, begging for mercy as he flees His presence.
My eyes blink back tears in awe... how could He even want to be here? Doesn't He see all these things Past threw at me? They are real, they are true... they HAPPENED! I see their affects every single DAY... How on earth could He be here??? I keep silent, scared He'll see me, scared He'll see my sin... AGAIN, for the millionth time. It's not new stuff, it's the old stuff, stuff that Past won't let me forget. I keep forgetting Jesus doesn't see it.
"Once for all." He says, as He kneels down and picks me up, a pile of broken bones, bloodied and bruised body and soul. He whispers in my ear as He brushes my hair out of my face with those beautiful scarred hands. That touch, the touch that loosed the tounges of the dumb, opened the deaf ear to sound, brought the dead back to life. With one little touch all those bleeding wounds heal, the scars are there, but His healing touch is working something new in me.
He runs His fingers through my hair; I know He's counting each little hair... how He does it, I don't know. I begin to think to myself,
'Why didn't I call on Him earlier? Sigh. It doesn't matter, He's here, that is all that matters. He was just waiting for me to let Him come in and kick Past's butt. I always think I can do these things on my own...'
Tears fall afresh, knowing my thoughts, He pulls me even closer and this time He whispers in my ear so softly I can barely make out the words- but He didn't even have to say them, I already knew what He was going to say. My heart already heard His voice, my soul was purchased by His blood 2000 years ago, and Past, you can knock it off, because I know that HIS WORD is TRUTH  and HIS WORDS are LIFE.
Like a cool spring breeze, with life on its wings I hear the words He whispered to me,

"It is finished."