Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Six months ago, I was a completely different person. I don't even wanna look back because “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14


If i looked into the eyes of myself six months ago, i would've seen no glimmer of hope for friendships with the warm, wonderful women and men who surround me now.

One of my oldest friends is in town, and I never thought he and I would be friends again. I remember when he was here, 3 years ago, I was just starting to slide into the dark abyss, and I could not bear to be around him or anyone godly. It was like this terrible pain, this weight of guilt and shame.

Now I walk with this lightness and joy because I've been FORGIVEN I'm cleansed in the blood of JESUS! I just, I dunno ever since I decided to be happy and rest in the arms of Jesus and trust Him to be my Husband and the Father of my son, there has been this overwhelming peace enveloping my heart. When I talk to people about it I am like my Grandpa Web, I get choked up because, the fact that God saw fit to stoop down and touch my heart and set me free- astonishes me.

I don't bother looking at the past, or thinking about all the guys, drugs, etc., why? Why? Heh, I dunno. I seriously look at the last three years and wonder, "Who was that girl that lived that life? That isn't me."

When we went out talking to people about Jesus, I kept makin Austin stop so we could pray, because, well, no words that one person spoke to me changed my heart. Nope. Not enough good ol' Jason. There was a distinct moment in my car when I was stopped at a red light and it was like God literally turned my heart around, saying, "I blessed you when you didn't do anything to deserve it because I LOVE YOU." For some reason, instead of that just bouncing off the inside of my cranium, it resounded in my heart so loudly that I began to walk towards Him and have completely stopped looking back. I will tell of the mercies of the Lord forever! The closer I get to Him the less I even care about money or marriage- when i die all my worldly possesion will be gone and I will only have One Husband. Why spend so much time then worrying about that other stuff if I don't have to? I'll worry about the necessity because of my son, the necessity of getting enough money to support him, but beyond that, i don't want a bunch of money, if i had it i'd just give it away.

Six months ago, I was miserable and stressed, now with each passing day i find this peace and contentment flowing through my veins and into my heart. Jesus is so merciful. I love that He is my Love- He's the best.