oh baby...

wheeeeeere do i begin?

today sucked.

yesterday was actually kinda good tho... made some steps in a good direction. it was weird because night before last i dreamt about Noah... some vague happy dream... like we were good friends... maybe dating or something lame and romantical, then yesterday while looking through my purse at Jenn's house to find something to write a list on... I found the map he'd drawn for me when I last saw him. You know, before everything got all ugly and I told him to never, ever talk to me again... yeah. about that... i have made myself the loneliest person in the world and i just... wish that people didn't suck as much as i do. but, well, we're all only human i guess. Most people don't realize how lucky they are to have FRIENDS that SPEND TIME with them... not just aquaintances who want something from you, or family who has to be there for you even tho they may not necessarily want to be... but like, people who KNOW you.

Today my mom moved out of my parents... err, i guess now it's my dad's... house... i've never known anything but that house, i've lived there my entire life. my older sister katie was born there... i know it's good for them both, i think, but, it sucks. It was rainy all day and, I'm sorry but I cannot seem to get ANYTHING productive done with Dominic hot on my heels. I usually love being with him, but for whatever reason today, it was too much for me.

He kept torturing the dog, Lilly, who is not much bigger than him. He kept tugging on her leg or putting her tail in her mouth just... not listening, got a million time outs and oh man. I wanted to go over to my parents house just so i could have someone besides a dog and a baby to talk to, but because mom was moving and dad was helping her move (which was EVEN WEIRDER) i um, had no where to go. After doing this all day, I eventually snapped. I knew it too, so I put Dominic in his bed, told him it was naughty to play in Lilly's water bowl then went into the kitchen, realized the person who'd said he was gonna hang out with me totally and i mean TOTALLY blew me off. didn't even text saying he couldn't make it, let alone a phone call. NOTHING. dude. not cool. oh and then tried calling someone and they hung up after the first ring. I understand that I'm stressed, I understand that I'm weird. But am I really so completely unpleasant to be around? Thanks guys! You suck! Anyway, so in my rush of emotion I threw my phone onto the kitchen floor and started crying. (Yes it is also almost that time of the month!) phone broke... so... don't try calling me because i broke the damn contraption.

I used to have all the coping mechanisms for stress... cigarettes, weed, alcohol, sex, boyfriends, etc. None of these things were healthy and I've cut all of them out, except alcohol... lol. Oh man guys... I wish I had people who wanted to come hang out at my boring-ass house and chase Dominic around with me, or play with him while i do homework. Granted, the last couple weeks, Dan, Trista, Naomi and Shannon all saved my butt by taking him off my hands so i could finish all my late assignments. I would also like to hang out with you guys sometime too... so I don't go crazy and break things... I cannot do this anymore. I'm about ready to get a mail order husband! Haha... anyway, I love you guys. Hope you all still love me, even when i totally lose it.