my husband's love

last night i had a rough night. i wanted to go to a movie with my Bible study group, heck i just wanted to hand my friend her present in person, but for whatever reason Dominic couldn't sleep at my parents house. Dad and Joanna texted me repeatedly until I left the study and came and got him... he fell asleep before i was even halfway home.
I was so frustrated i cried and told Kelly all about it. I love Kelly. After everyone left the house and went to the movie I went to bed. I began to have these dreams... I dreamt i was with various people from Mission church and college group Bible study, we were all praying against something. Dominic kept getting sick, then it wasn't Dominic but a 4 year old I'd adopted, this child had tattoos all over his body and I began to pray, because they hadn't been there a minute ago. Then when I started praying Dominic began to
(in my dream) get these worm infested boils that grew so huge all over his body that he began to suffocate. The others prayed against whatever was happening and i called 911, they told me to hang up; that Dom was ok. Then I woke up, not sure what I'd been praying against in my dream, so, in my half-awake state, I prayed silently for God to come protect Dominic and me. Then I heard a large crack, like a creak in the floor board in the living room and footsteps running away. it was loud enough that i woke completely up with a jump. went out to the living room, shook myself awake, took a deep breath and thought for a moment.
The night before I'd looked at these two nails on my wall, they were nails Jeff had put in the wall to hang up the painting Jason had given me. I had gotten rid of the painting and I'd told myself i should take those nails out.
For some reason I really felt like I should take them out, so i did- at 2am this morning. then i prayed and read in Hebrews 2, about how Jesus took on Himself the form of man and tasted of our death and gave us victory over the devil. i read it out loud. Then i realized something profound...
I was choosing Jesus as my Husband only when there was no physical man around to comfort me. Jesus was my "second choice" like I am/was to all of those guys. Why on earth was i choosing cheating, lying, selfish men over Jesus? I felt more than a little sheepish and also realized that Jesus has been keeping me from sinning... which is actually what the last verse in Hebrews says. Remember how I wrote about Jesus telling me HE was gonna keep me? Well... it wasn't just a reassurance, it was a prophetic word. When I wanted to go off and sin He stopped it from happening, kicked the devil's butt out, and drew me back to Himself, reminding me of how much greater His love is than all the rest.

i cannot believe how silly I've been... choosing men's "love" (more like lust) over Jesus's pure, undefiled, unrelenting, holy, never ending, agape-love! may i forever choose Him first before all others and stop seeing with eyes of the flesh, may I see things through His eyes... remembering that I am the bride of Christ, loved more intimately and infinitely than i will ever be able to fathom. Lord, be my first choice, my first and greatest Love. Amen.