faster than flowers

the worst things in life are the things you had guessed would happen all along- the love that had died years ago, the love that never had a chance- such a sad weekend.

i knew this would fade faster than the flowers of the field... he told me he liked me, i went to see him, he gave me flowers... i was so happy and calm and serene but then... but then...

you see i've known him for so long that i guessed it would end this way and perhaps i spurred him a little bit to see how he would react. years ago when i liked him he did this thing- where'd he'd disappear and ignore me for months at a time. i tried to tell him if he was still prone to doing that to forget us benig in a relationship... he then said i was rushing things... but wasn't he the one who said he wanted to date me? not the other way around?

this weekend, he knows, has been especially trying on my soul, add to that the exhaustion of travelling with a baby and you've set yourself up for an emotional breakdown. i could have held it in, talked to one of my close friends, but i wanted to see what he would do. Would he stay? Would he call me up and try to work it out? Or would he do like he'd always done, assume he knew exactly what was going on in my heart and tell me he was taking a "break" for a few months? Because... any man who thinks he can abandon those he loves for whatever reason, is not a man i should even consider. Perhaps he didn't realize it was more of a test than a meltdown... i wanted him to not point out my flaws, break me down, tear me apart and then tell me he's leaving for an unknown amount of time.

maybe he's right, maybe i do need "help". Can I take a poll everyone, am I completely off my rocker? or am I just stressed beyond the norm? What's hilarious is I'd told him i was going to go see my old counsellor again to help deal with the stress but he still said he was going to ignore me until i get help... wait, i am going to do that? he said he can't respect me until i get 'help'. I can't respect him until he can face difficult problems like a man, not run away from them like a scared little boy and blame it on me being "crazy".

i went down to see him to see if he'd changed, if i could even consider him.

last night after all the things he said to me, i had to delete him out of every contact source. perhaps he has some valid points, but the way in which he expressed them was not sensitive or caring and it took a lot of their validity away.

so there you have it, the flowers he gave me still hang on the wall, not even dry yet and our entire friendship has already withered away, faster than flowers.