a different kind of wilderness

I've been in "Egypt" for the past few years... now I'm headed to the "Promised Land" but somehow I've wound up in this different sort of "wilderness". Maybe because I sinned so much in the last few years, I don't know... whatever the reasons are here I find myself, wandering around in the desert with a baby hoping i can find food and shelter.

Last night I read a passage that seriously made me sit down and feel like a complete failure,

"26Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

27Neither give place to the devil.
28Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.
29Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
31Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Eph. 4:26-32

Then at Bible study we talked about the same thing- about not grumbling. Which is ALL I ever seem to do.

God wants me to be content, to stop grumbling about stupid number shoulders and school and never having a second to spare to breathe. Which reminds me... I have a blog I need to be doing for school... my shoulders just got a little number. To say the last couple of weeks have tested my patience would be an understatement. I could use a lot of prayer- guys I'm only a few months into this please don't forget to pray for me. I try and remember to pray for others but mostly I feel so far away from everyone... I've been struggling with not giving into temptation and today some weird stuff happened, I just, I don't know... I don't want to grumble but I would like to humbly beseech you to pray for me if not call me, text me, ask me how I'm doing... I know I suck, suck, SUCK at doing this sometimes and I wish I was better at it... I am just rambling. Today i found these black magic books in my bookshelf, i threw them outside my ex boyfriend's storage unit, which happens to be right next to my car. keep in mind my car has no alarm, it's all manual locks etc.. When I opened the door it sounded like someone was leaning on the horn.
Kelly said she'd never heard anything like it.
That and how much I've stumbled this last week in my selfish anger... oh guys please pray for me. I don't wanna go back to Egypt, I'd rather stay here in the wilderness with Jesus, but I am too weak to do this alone.
I love you all...