all work no play, oh yay!

I've been doin alright... studying every time Dominic is asleep... cleaning the house as often as Dominic allows me, going to all my classes, getting ok grades. B's are ok, right? Sigh. I miss getting A's though, it bothers me when I'm busting my toosh and getting B's.

It's so hard to not complain and focus on negative things, in positive psychology (stress management) we're supposed to write 3-5 positive things each day for 5 days and then write about one bad thing and then "reframe it" by trying to look at it from a different and positive perspective.

In WR 122 I'm taking my Arguing to Inquire essay and turning it into my Arguing to Convince essay... basically writing an entirely different paper, to an entirely different group with a tiny amount of the same information. Oh and then there's math... my math teacher may be young, cute, funny, lets a lot of stuff slide grade-wise, but um, yeah the way he explains things... he may as well be speaking Greek. I'm not getting it.    The word problems are what KILL ME-  they're not at all like the ones I did when I taught myself through high school... no these word problems I have to somehow put into y = mx + b form and I just... sigh. Don't get. I don't understand how to figure out which is y, which is x, what that means and why... oh man my brain serious feels like it's covered in molasses when we talk about it. When we were talking about factoring yesterday tho... PHEW! Total breeze! Too bad only one question on the final is about that... yeah. Yikes.

GOOD NEWS! I spoke with my advisor and a year from now (if all goes as planned) I'll have all the prerequisites i need to apply at 5 different college for the Dental Hygiene program. Oh yeah, by the way I thought long and hard about it and that's what i'm doing. Really excited about that!

On other news... I'm so stressed my head is on the verge of exploding. I need to raise my 3.5 GPA to like, idk, 3.7 that damn C i got in Biology 101 just, totally sucker punched my GPA down a whole lot. That and I get a lot of B's. Stupid B's. I can't believe I'm getting mad about B's!!! Isn't that ridiculous!??!!? Sigh.

In positive psychology they talk about having a balance of work, play and love. Well... my life is 90% schoolwork, housework, taking care of Dominic and the other 10% are the moments I'm able to stop my head from spinning long enough to show some affection to my son. Kinda sucks for him honestly. The rest? Well... man I don't know. I get to chit chat every other week with people I used to know like the back of my right hand. I get to see my sister Katie a lot... which honestly is the only thing keeping me sane. Sometimes I get to chat with my roommate, but when we do, I don't have anything to talk about except, well, homework and Dominic. Where's the play? Why isn't there more love? How on earth can I begin to create balance in my little two-person family?

For those of you who are praying about me getting married... you're so sweet and i love you and appreciate you sooooo much, but I have given that hope up. Let it die. Faced the facts of growing old and dying alone, looked it the face and told it I wasn't scared 'cuz even on the coldest nights Jesus holds my soul. So self-pity can kiss my you-know-what. I may be frustrated, overworked, stressed... but I know who I love most. Even when I think about all the stuff I just vomitted out verbally to you all... I'm okay with it. does that make sense? Like I can look at my life, where it needs work, how frustrating it is and be okay with it? i mean, sometimes I'm not, not in the heat of the moment when Dominic is throwing a fit and I'm so sleep deprived I feel i'm about to throw my own little tantrum... but otherwise, i'm much happier than i've ever been when I was thinking about some "dude". I honestly don't wanna ever move from this comfortable spot again. Jesus won't betray me. He won't lie to me. He won't change His mind and run away when things get tough, in fact that's when He shines brightest.

Pray for me guys... I'm struggling a lot. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not. Yeah, I'm happy and satisfied... but the temptation to sin... to lose my temper, to gossip, oh man, in my face all the time. I love you all and am amazed that you have stuck it out this far!!! This was a really long blog!!! If I could, I would totally give you a gold star right now! Hehehe, no really, I would! Thanks again for keeping us in your prayers, it makes a world of difference.