just lil' ol' me

Where to begin? *exhales*  Breathing is always a good place to begin, I think I've kinda forgotten to just breathe.  It's fairly vital to my existence, so I best start remembering!

Today was a fairly good day, wasn't able to make it to my psychology class this afternoon cuz my dad was in portland and could not find anyone able to babysit. Oh well. I gotta hang out with Dominic instead, which was nice. We took a little nap, had some lunch, ran around the house- it was fun. Then we went to the grocery store and I bought him a balloon!  He absolutely loves it. He was walking around the house holding his balloon and bottle with a huge smile, just totally made my day.

Tonight I got pizza with my food stamps at Papa Murphy's! *yum* My roommate (and best friend!!!) Kelly and her bf ate it with me. Then Naomi came over and we had brownies and chatted. Then all of us played poker  and I am proud to say I creamed everyone with two full houses.  Hahaha. Yay me!  Felt good to win, I love playing and don't usually win, too bad we don't play for real money. Lol! Just kidding.

I've been pretty serious  the last few weeks and I know I've been set free, so why would I beat myself over the head  because I still cuss, or because I have one guy I still can't get over? I stopped smoking cigarettes and pot... I stopped drinking on a daily basis, I stopped talking to all those random guys from my past!!! Jason at least WANTS to serve God, yeah it needs to get out of my life, but, I have taken some huge steps and I'm not gonna feel discouraged about it. I forbid myself from that. I'm gonna focus on what God has done, praise and thank Him for it and believe that He will lead me to be free from the last few things still desperately clinging to me. The difference is, I'm gonna go down fighting. I'm not gonna curl up in a ball and give up, even when everything is pressuring me to, it's not gonna happen. I've been revived, my heart is not numb anymore. God has brought me so far out of Egypt and I refuse to go back. I may dig my heels into the sand, cry and complain,  but at the end of the day when i'm alone, I curl up in God's arms and tell Him all that is within my heart- and then He speaks to me through His Word. Isn't that what this is all about? Yeah, I'm far, FAR from perfect, but I'm not ignoring it, denying it, or saying it's ok. Unfortunately I'm human, and can only take so many steps at a time before completely falling over my feet and onto my face. I'm glad I serve a righteous and just God. If I worried about what everyone thought of me then well, I'd be serving them. Guess what- I'm not! Whew!! So glad!

Just thought I'd say that God has kinda lightened my load a little, getting my focus off of what ISN'T and what IS. He has done miraculous things in my life- why would I ignore that and look at the little pieces of garbage He's already working on getting rid of and get discouraged about it? Will God forsake me? Will God stop working in me? Has He forgotten me? NO! A thousand times NO! I'm so glad that I follow Jesus and not anyone or anything else, Jesus is way nicer than other people.  Seriously, He is... He's more understanding because He was there with me through everything, and can see the big picture. I'm glad I serve a loving God.

Love you all, thank you so much for holding me up in your prayers, it means a lot to me.