It's very fitting since it is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but it also brings up something that I posted on facebook yesterday. David Hastings was Dominic's alleged father and paternity tests showed that he is in fact not at all related to Dominic. David decided to message me on facebook and rub this in my face, knowing full well that this means the man who is my son's father is well, a horrible man. In fact, Dominic's conception was not consensual and it is the reason I told everyone that David was his father. There was a 50/50 chance that it was David or the man who forced me and it was easier than telling someone all the uncomfortable gory details. David knew about this and did not care, did not even flinch. He dragged the testing out, we could have done it immediately after Dominic was born, I told him I would even pay for half of it. He told me that I was a money-hungry evil person and refused. Afraid to go after the other person I did all the paperwork to get a DNA test from David.
I hope you can all understand my anger and frustration when receiving the message from David, saying, "TESTS SHOW THAT I AM NOT YOUR KIDS FATHER stay out of my life"
He might as well have come over and spat in my face.
Should I return evil with evil? Probably not, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness..."
However, I am not perfect. "Be angry and sin not, do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26) God knows how frail we are and that there are things in our lives that will make us angry, it's what we do with our anger that matters. Yes, I said some mean things about David and I'm not justifying those things- I'm saying that I'm a sinner by nature and when someone does something so incredibly hurtful it is difficult not to respond.
I have been thinking a lot about life in general, about all the ugly hateful things that are out there. I have encountered some of those things, I have endured some of those things, but at this moment I am free from them. I have a house, family and friends who love me, food, a bed, comfy slippers- I am very blessed. Even though Dominic will never know his biological father and even though I have no idea how to answer his questions (this is not an invitation to tell me what to say, it's a very personal delicate matter) but we are taken care of and for that I am thankful.
Am I still angry at David? No, he isn't worth the time or energy. He is a man, full of faults and failings, and his actions are not punishment from God. They are simply the actions of a man fallen from grace- and quite frankly, no woman deserves to be belittled and insulted like that, I doubt that God is smiling down saying, "This is what Mary deserves that's why it happened..." Far from it! I believe God's heart is breaking over the loss my son and I have, the loss of a father. Even though his biological father is not dead, he may as well be. He is a danger and threat to us and I cannot pursue it any further. We are grieving right now and to spit on our grief is infuriating, I pray God can forgive me for being so angry with David and that my heart can learn to let go and forgive. If my facebook offended anyone I apologize and have already removed the post.
I know you all love me and want what's best for me...
Dominic is very sick right now and needs your prayers. Thank you.
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