What is it about being single that makes me feel stronger? I think it's because I don't feel like I have to have sex with someone and honestly... I don't want to have sex with anyone ever again! I feel having sex is giving up your power, and that is not what it is supposed to be. I want to be married before I have sex again... I want it to really, truly mean something. I know this is graphic and that my parents and grandparents read this so i apologize if this candid talk is uncomfortable for you. Unfortunately it is something that my generation deals with on a regular basis; premarital sex is just a part of life and I do not know how this became a norm but it isn't right. I wasn't really sure how I felt about this until last night, and now I know for sure that I want to marry a God-fearing man who won't push me or ask me to do things I never wanted to do and make me feel uncomfortable or unsure or confused or obligated. No. Hell no. I know that I've wandered off the path quite a ways, but I've been deliberately walking back to that one true path, towards Jesus and this is for sure... His Holy Spirit does not like premarital sex. No way! I'm glad I've been abstinent for awhile, last night was interesting but I'm glad it didn't go further than where it did. Never again... I want a relationship and a family and a home that is full of love and truth.
If i have learned anything from walking away it is simply that premarital sex is almost always destructive and selfish. STDs are common and unwanted pregnancy occurs and then tough choices have to be made... choices that multiple friends of mine have had to make. This is not what we are made for ladies, we deserve a man who WANTS to WAIT! We do not deserve someone who we have to shove off of us because he can't keep his hands to himself.
I may never find such a man, a man full of the Holy Spirit, slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen... but right now that is okay! Right now I am trying to learn how to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen. I still have some things in my life that I know aren't right that I need help with- I need to learn to be filled with the Holy Spirit again, to be determined and dedicated in my walk with God- not just an inactive lump in the back pew.
Pray for me that my heart will be fixed on this and that I won't waver... and for all of my sisters struggling with the decision to remain abstinent until marriage, who have fallen before and wonder, "What's the point? I'm not a virgin anymore so what does it matter if I sleep with my boyfriend, he loves me after all, doesn't he?" Ladies, if he loves you, truly loves you as Christ loves the Church, then he will not expect you to sleep with him before he has said those vows before God and man. Keep the faith sisters, do not quit, do not let sin keep you from your true Husband, your Maker, the Holy One of Israel, Jesus.
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