it is well with my soul

This last week, well, the last few weeks I've been more than slightly overwhelmed.
God did this great work in my heart and immediately following, everything overwhelming and frustrating and completely out of my control happened. Neighbors yelling at me, no money for things like TP, paper towels, pull ups- AGAIN- broke again? Sigh. Then the state contacting the biological father of my son- me wanting to move... not being able to move because i didn't get the job I wanted. On top of that I have been so depressed and unmotivated that I find it hard to leave the house... especially when i have a tank of gas to last me through mid-January. Not really wanting to waste it.

I feel like every time I try and do something to better my life that I'm just STUCK or hit over the head and told no.
Because of this I was frustrated and upset and feeling sorry for myself... haha... so when my dad called me I told him all about it and  in reply he read me Psalm 143:

"Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. 2 And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified. 3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. 4 Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate."

I had been trying all day to hold it together, to not cry, to somehow retain my dignity and composure and be angry that things were not working out AT ALL- but when these words hit my ears, i didn't feel angry anymore.

He kept reading:

"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands. 6 I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsts after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.7 Hear me speedily, O Lord: my spirit fails: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit. 8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee. 9 Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me."

I liked this part, because I've been hiding in my house but I should be hiding in the Lord.

"Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. 11 Quicken me, (make me alive) O Lord, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble. 12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant. "

I really want to know how to do His will, it's been way too long since I've wanted that and I got discouraged when i mess up AGAIN and the AGAIN- but this Psalm really comforted and encouraged me to not give up- but to ask God to bring my soul out of this trouble. I have yet to ask for His help honestly... could be the problem!

Last night I was praying and thinking to myself how badly I want a friend. Not just the friend who talks to you once a week or once a month... but the friend that sticks closer than a brother.
Last night after praying I had this dream that one of my childhood friends (who is currently following God quite fiercely) came up to me out of nowhere and embraced me. This person, more than any person I know, reminds me of what Christ would look and feel and be like... this person is not perfect, no, but they love like Jesus does and, oh it sounds strange, but this person reminds me of Jesus. When you talk to this person, or are near this person, you can feel Jesus' presence... so in my dream when this friend of mine embraced me and held me tight, it wasn't my friend, it was Jesus. It felt as if in one sigh in my dream- without words- I told Him all my trouble and He loved me and He was a friend to me. When i woke up today I felt at peace and even though it's weird, i thought i should share my dream. Jesus really is our friend if we let Him be.

Also- my dad sang this song to me last night, it is written by a man who lost his children in a shipwreck, he wrote this song on his way to retrieve his wife, who was the only one who'd survived. and i thought i had troubles! God is with us in good times, but He is also a very present help in time of need.