speechless

speechless

(ironic because this is a really, really long blog entry!)

i'm at a loss for words- and for the those of you who know me that's a rare thing!

my son's heart is broken- which means so is mine.

the nations' heart is broken over the innocent lives lost.

and honestly, i am such a tender person, this breaks my heart so deeply... it's something most people don't "get" about me- when i hear about a little 2 year old girl being raped or someone in another country being viciously tortured- i WEEP, i beg God to intervene and shew His righteous power.

Lately though, Job and I have recently been saying very similar things- which isn't actually a great thing.

God has been doing some awesome things in my life as many of you know, "this poor girl cried and the Lord heard her and delivered her out of all her troubles." Psalm 34:6 (i changed the "he's" to "she's" because i really felt like God spoke this to me tonight)

but, at the same time, I look around and i see all of this pain and suffering and i'm with Job saying, 

"Why do the wicked live on,
    growing old and increasing in power?.. Their houses are safe from fear, neither is the rod of God upon them..." and even "their children dance..."! 

Basically Job and I are like, HEY! Where is God's judgement? Where His righteous indignation and squishing of evil people who persecute the innocent? I don't get it? I just don't get it! 
Then Elihu jumps in and looks at us and says,

8 "But you (Job) have said in my hearing-- I heard the very words-- 9 'I am pure and without sin; I am clean and free from guilt. 10 Yet God has found fault with me; he considers me his enemy. 11 He fastens my feet in shackles; he keeps close watch on all my paths.' 12 "But I tell you, in this you are not right, for God is greater than man. 13 Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words ?"

He goes on and on and then on a little bit more... very poetically stating God's authority and pretty much says, "Who are you to say God did this wickedness?" (Job 34:10) He also points out that God is so much more majestic and glorious and powerful than we are and in fact, if God wants to stop talking to us, there isn't much we can do about it.

"When he is quiet, who can condemn?

    When he hides his face, who can behold him,

    whether it be a nation or a man?" Job 34:29

Okay, okay, all the cream puff Christians are cringing- but WOW- Elihu makes a good point. Were we there when God laid the foundations of the earth? Who are we to say, "Hey God i've been noticing the way You've been doing things and I'd like to add my two cents." Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, not so smart. I think for a long time I was really stubborn and proud and like, "Life isn't fair, i don't get it. I don't like it, I don't want to look at it and understand why God lets this happen!" So then God has me read Job. Interesting... isn't it?

So I call my dad and I tell him all of this and I'm like, "Wow, God is super big and I'm super puny and who was I to ever open my mouth against the way He does what He does!?" 

My dad over the phone says, "Job is one of my favorites but, Mary, read Ephesians. I don't want you to get discouraged by only reading in the old testament- don't forget about the promises for those in Christ." 

So i flip over to Ephesians and BAM! There is the greatness of God AGAIN only now it's being shown through His... well... just read this: 

"(4)He (God/Jesus) chose us in Him (Jesus) before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love... (7) In whom WE HAVE REDEMPTION THROUGH HIS BLOOD, the FORGIVENESS OF SINS, according to the RICHES of His grace." Eph. 1:4 & 7

Sorry I had to bold all of that because to me the Holy Spirit is shaking me up inside and opening my eyes to the wonder of all of this... HE CHOSE US BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD!!!!!!! Can we please just dance and cheer and pop some champagne? Because- WOW!

I totally forgot how big my God is... I took Him so for granted. I am just... amazed. He loves ME? What? Really? Crazy. 

Now... back to my little one, sleeping peacefully in his bed. He has no earthly dad to speak of... none that will claim him- but my God is not just this distant POWERFUL God who holds the lightening, snow, hail, and all of creation in His hands... but He is also the Father to the fatherless... that would be my boy. Which means MY GOD is wrapping my baby in His Holy Spirit right now, comforting him.
My boy, all day, was so saddened to learn he had no earthly father that he could see or feel or see- but

because of JESUS my Mediator, I can plead the blood of Jesus and ask the Ancient of Days to not forget His promise to be a Father to the fatherless, and to be near to my baby. 

Just sayin', my God is unspeakably wonderful beyond any possible earthly expression of praise. He is worthy of our lives, our praise, our adoration, our love, our hearts, our souls... He is worthy.

i could keep going on, like how we are seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus. Wait, WHAT? Oh man. I'm glad that I took the time to pick up my Bible tonight- and I'm so glad that my Jesus lives.