Before reading any of my blog there are a few things you must understand:
1. I am a single mom of a beautiful baby boy, he will be 1 in February
2. I am going to school full time to become a nurse- just taking prerequisites right now
3. I am a pure romance consulstant
4. I have an interview today at Jamba Juice and should get the job (WOO!)
5. I once loved Jesus and followed Him but then fell away
6. After 3 years of disobeying God I am now seeking Him again- this is the reason for my blog to journal my journey with Him so others can see how good He really is
7. I am seeing a very nice man who loves God- something I never thought could happen
Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's begin.
I don't know where to begin.
It is not easy to drop old things, to stop having sex, smoking cigs and other substances... it's not easy to follow God in your own strength. Thankfully I'm not doing that... I have no strength to do any of those things so i'm not going to do any of them.. on my own. Hahaha... He has already given me victory over two out of those three things... quitting cigs on the 1st. ;) I know it's only been a week and the battle is gonna get heated, but well, He already won the war. Because of that I know He'll keep giving me victory.
I used to be scared of so many things... now I have peace that passes all understanding guarding my heart and mind. God changed my heart. That's the only reason I can find for all of this. "The Lord will give strength unto His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace." Psalms 29:11 I guess that doesn't mean much until it's happening to you. Until you're hearing demons scream in your dreams and wake up and with one small prayer, "Jesus help me..." Peace washes over you.
What we have all forgotten to do is to be THANKFUL. God pressed this on my heart before I ever came back to Him. Let me tell you when He pressed that on my heart. Here's the short story of how God got me back.
About a month ago my food stamps had been cut and I was out of money. No way to pay rent, to get gas, diapers, food... anything. For the first time in a long time, I screamed, and I mean SCREAMED, kicked, shouted, threw a little fit... at God. For some strange reason, in the midst of my sin, He heard me. Then He did something crazy. He blessed me. Blessings literally were pouring out from heaven. People bought us food, diapers, wipes and gas cards that night and that week. I stopped and realized HE had blessed us. I thanked Him. Over and over I thanked Him because I knew I didn't deserve it and that only He could bless us so completely. Then He did it AGAIN. Gas card, diapers, wipes, my food stamps came through and someone gave us a $50 gift card to Wal*Mart all on the same day. That's when I gave in. If God could bless me then, when I deserved NONE OF IT, then how much more can He bless me when I surrender to Him?
I have surrendered to Him. Not saying I'm gonna be perfect, just saying I'm gonna surrender to Him on a daily basis. It's nice to be without strength, cuz then you start to see how strong God really is.
"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalms 27:14
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