to dominic's dad

I used to be so mad at You... thinking You didn't care that Dominic had no dad. I thought You were punishing me by not giving me a husband- a dad for Dominic. I knew You'd told me You are his Father, and my Husband, but I was still dissatisfied, because I was sure that meant You'd never bring me a husband, never bring Dominic a dad. I'll never be able to thank You enough for having Jodie talk to me on the chat on facebook that one night... she pointed out that You love me, You want good things for me, and yes, someday You will provide a husband for me, a dad for Dominic. I was sooooo mad at You, bitter, angry, sliding back because of it... because of something You never even said.

This Father's Day, Dominic's biological father is out there somewhere... not thinking about him at all... or hoping Dominic isn't his son maybe. Yet YOU are his dad right now. I don't have to look into the future and hope for some physical man who will fail us... because I have You right now. Right now I have is YOU to lead my family, YOU to be the head of my house, YOU to keep us well, leaning on God. Since You are God that is always going to be Your goal... kinda mind boggling to think about.

I just wanna say thanks, thanks for not making me wait for a husband and a dad for Dominic, but for being those things right NOW. We need You. My Provider, my Comforter... the Authority and Head of this little family... Happy Father's Day, to the only True God, the Father of all the Fatherless.


Amen.

Before, During and After

God was... He is... and is to come.

He was before anything and without Him was not anything made that was made.

He was before all things.

He is also in all things... right here... right now, as I'm typing this He's sitting here with me listening to music.

He is the Omega. When time stops... He will remain.

The question begs to be asked... what does this have to do with me? with you?

Lord, what is man that you are mindful of Him?

If you sing over me, rejoice over me singing... did you know then what I would do now? If you loved me then, rejoicing, singing, loving me... You must still love me because You knew then what I didn't know... that I would fall, that I'd go after guys, cigs, drinking, drugs, all of, all over again, just because I'm but dust and do stupid, selfish, narrow-sighted things. You knew when You stretched Your hand out to receive the nail, and then Your other hand, Your legs nailed to the cross. Your head bruised and beaten for my lustful, selfish sin. You loved me when I was yet in sin. Revelling, dwelling, loving and hating it, trapped and tangled, suffocated and enthralled in my sin. You broke through the chains of hell and death not so I could run back to those things that once enslaved me, You led captivity captive not so I could go dabble in sin here and there... You died to give us VICTORY over sin to show the world YOUR GLORY not ours.

I used to wallow in self-pity, loathing myself and asking how God could ever forgive me. Now I know... He was, He is and is to come. So that means those nights when He whispered in my ear, 'Follow Me' and gave me visions of Himself, dreams of things unknown, all these gifts, blessed me with a son, gave me life when I deserved death, He did that knowing what I would do with it, and He gave it to me anyway. Oh the depth, the width, the length and the breadth of His love!!!! It is unsearchable. I abhor my sin... I turn away from it, spit on it and called it cursed. I will kneel at the name of Jesus- not just because I need Him (and oh how I need Him!!!) but because I WANT Him and i MISS Him. Wait expectantly, for the Lord, wait I say, on the Lord. For He was before time, He is with you now, and He will be there long after time has vanished away...