I haven't smoked a full cigarette in almost two weeks. I had half a cig last week on Monday, and a drag on Sunday of this week but that has been it since Friday the 13th. Pleasantly ironic? I think so!
School has been a little overwhelming lately as some of you may have seen on my Facebook. I emailed my teacher and she is letting me turn in assignments that I missed and giving me partial credit for them and my friend from Mission church Kara is helping me study for the final tomorrow. *whew* What a relief!
I have A's in all of my other classes thankfully, and hopefully I can bring this other one up to a B.
I have been dating Jesse Fox since June 8th and was officially dubbed his girlfriend July 15th, right after I almost broke up with (even changed my fb status!) because he'd made it sound like he would never claim me as his girlfriend. THANK GOODNESS for communication. We walked down to a grassy plateau at the end of my street, you can see the old mill and all of the mountains; the sun was setting in a beautiful golden orange. The only other time that I have gone to that plateau was when I was pregnant with Dominic. It was my thinking spot where I made important decisions about keeping and raising Dominic. I have never brought any guy/man there. I'm glad we went, it was a good place to talk through every little uncertainty each of us had and what it meant to be "boyfriend and girlfriend". I will spare you the gushy details but he has been more than true to his word. He promised that this was not a meaningless relationship to him and that he would invest time into it. He has since stopped by to surprise me multiple times, and calls me every now and then during the week. I was not expecting that at all!! I was very surprised when he was willing to listen to me and compromise.
That is all going tolerably well still, Jesse works during the week, I go to school and take care of Dominic, and on the weekends (I still have to take care of Dominic) we get to spend some time together.
During the week I have been trying to implement mealtimes. Structured, sit-down, mealtimes. Providing fruits AND veggies, whole grain, dairy and protein. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Who in their right mind would have thought that doing this was such a huge undertaking?!?!?! I have been able to do almost every meal but I am still struggling to get him to choke down those veggies. Unless they're tomatoes and green beans, so for now, that is what his portion of veggies consists of.
I have noticed that the more I have sit-down meals the more he complies to it, I know he needs this structure and I'm glad that I'm trying to implement it now BEFORE I start going to school for my CNA Certification this fall.
I applied for a low-income grant that I'm hoping to get to help cover babysitter costs during fall term, I'll be going to class 5 days a week all day every day. YAY!! Really crossing my fingers that I get this grant because I do not know how I would get a babysitter(s) for free for all the time I'm gonna be in class.
Last night I woke up at 4am feeling completely overwhelmed by life, I wished and prayed for some escape. When I woke up I realized that there is no escape, no vacation from life and all of its responsibilities. I've been struggling with some severe anxiety this year, but I will not succumb to it- giving up is not an option. Today after learning how behind I was in a class I completed three full assignments I was behind on, on top of ACING a midterm and completing 2/3 of my LIB 127 homework. Take that self-destructive impulses, I may get stressed and become forgetful but I will not let that part of me dictate and destroy my future.
Ahem, I still have a few hoops to jump through before the CNA class begins, vaccinations, criminal background check, nursing orientation, etc. Then I get to begin studying for the TEAS test, which is what I really need to ace.
My grandpa Web has been babysitting Dominic Mon/Wed mornings and it is the biggest blessing in the world to see Dominic spend time at the same house I went to as a kid. Dominic is so smart and knows which days he goes to Great Grandpa. And on the days that he knows he gets to see his Great Grandpa... he lights up and asks, "Big Papa?" Then he runs to the door when we finally get there, oh man, it is the best feeling in the world to see my son spending time with my Grandpa.
Dominic is also getting really used to having Nolan live with us; I'm afraid Dominic will be devastated when my brother moves out, but there's not much I can do about it now except explain that Nolan is just an uncle not a dad. Try explaining that to a 2-year old, psssh, good luck!
I'm surprised you read all of that nonsense crazy! Thanks to all of my friends and family who read these updates and respond with comments and prayers and loving thoughts.
~ Mary ~
